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Failing at life Today

Failing at life Today

Motherhood is full of ups and downs. Some days you feel like you’ve really got your shit together and you’ve finally mastered this parenting gig and then other days you can hardly remember your own name. Today was most definitely the latter!!!

So Elle is going through this really fun phase where she wakes up screaming inconsolably every 30 mins from when we put her to bed at 7pm until about midnight. It takes about 15 mins to calm her down enough that we can lie her back down in her cot. So Andrew and I are spending our evenings tag teaming this screaming Banshee we procreated. Meanwhile Caitlin is using the fact that we are otherwise occupied to stay up past her bedtime! Im sure she sees my smudged mascara panda eyes and scraped back ponytail (tell tale signs of an exhausted mother) and gauges this as her perfect time to launch aggressive negotiations! After a tirade of pugnacious debate Caitlin skips off to bed with chocolate biscuits for a bedtime snack and 30 mins computer time before lights out.  Despite it already being past her bedtime and her not eating her tea! FML!!!!


This morning Elle has no remorse for the fact she has exhausted her parents and deprived them of their relaxing evening of adult time last night. Which is considerably more PG than it sounds! It mainly consists of watching TV and stuffing our faces with junk food. At this rate Im going to end up losing my baby weight if she continues to deprive me of my junk food eating time! Nah scrap that I’ll manage to fit in a couple of Wispas during a morning episode of the Twirlywoos! Its all good! So completely unabashed to her faux pas last night Elle decided to wake up at 6am this morning!! Are you actually F-ing kidding me Elle??!!! So i did what any right minded Mombie would do, I gave her a bottle of milk (which sent her back to sleep) and went back to bed myself! Cue me oversleeping for the school run! . . .

I should add that Elle also still wakes through the night too! The fun is never ending in this house! This not sleeping malarkey is unchartered territory for me since my first child, Caitlin, slept all night from 6 months old.

So I get up for school throw on my jeans and hoodie and put my hair in a messy ponytail. I don’t waste time putting on a bra. Real classy chick me! Theres no time to put in my contact lenses. This is how you know I’m running late, if you see me wearing my glasses! I tell Caitlin she will just be jumping out the car at school rather than me walking her to her line due to the fact I am unshowered. She looks at me like that really could of gone unsaid, since it is glaringly obvious considering I look like someone who lives in a bush or maybe a skip! I apologise if that causes offence to anyone who  actually does live in a bush or a skip and I’m sure looks more well presented than me this morning!


My plan at the start of the week was to attend baby group this morning but instead we return home and I plonk Elle in front of an episode of Peppa Pig,  while i down a large coffee and stuff my face with a croissant! (Who am I kidding, two croissants!) Peppa Pig is particularly amusing this morning so that lifts my mood a little! Todays episode had mummy rabbit’s sister in it and that makes me think of my own sister who is out working at an actual real job (one with pay.) That makes me feel guilty for feeling so sorry for myself when at least I’m lucky enough to be at home with my baby. Even if she is using some form of sleep deprivation torture on me! Gosh Peppa Pig really makes you think about life!!
So with my Peppa Pig therapy done for the morning i decide it must be nap time for Elle but of course she’s done the mother of all poops! Could this day get any better I ask you! Its a real treat for the senses thats for sure! She seems to always poop when we’re about to do something like leave the house, eat her lunch or go for a nap! This kid who would only poop once a week for the first quarter of her life is now making up for lost time by becoming the human equivalent of the play-doh ice cream factory, control your bowels you maniac!!


Ive made the decision that it is probably best for everyone if I go for a nap when Elle does , so Im not a complete bitch to everyone later. Im not very good without a good nights sleep. (understatement!!!!) I don’t know about other mums but I feel huge guilt about napping! Anyway I decided that today needs must!
So this morning would be the day Elle decides not to have a morning nap!! She normally has two bloody hours!! Two hours of sleep right now sounds amazing!!! But alas its not to be! Instead I am venting my frustrations through this blog while Elle plays next to me! She’s lucky she’s so very cute!!


Never mind its only 6 hours till Daddy gets home!!!!

And then the txt comes . . . . . “is it ok if i go to running club straight from work?’

This means Andrew won’t be home till after the kids are in bed.  Not that they will stay in their bloody beds anyway!

Me: “yeah course” *weeps inside*

If this is the worst life gets then I guess Im pretty lucky because I’m surrounded by people I love. And coffee, which i possibly love equally to the people at this stage in my life! But as the saying goes, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY!!!
One with more sleep and less poop would be bloody fantastic please!!!!
Thanks for reading!

Amy xxx



  1. Ruth
    May 25, 2016 / 7:31 pm

    Lol!! I’m sure you looked better than people who live in a bush or a skip! Do these people exist?! Made me lol ???

  2. Alistair McCallum
    May 25, 2016 / 8:17 pm

    I think Elle likes my singing ! That puts her to sleep !

  3. Claire Croxford
    May 26, 2016 / 8:43 am

    Thanks for sharing – gave me a giggle lol hope last night was kinder to you and you’ve washed today ;))))

    • May 26, 2016 / 9:18 am

      Glad it made u smile Claire! ? i am clean today!! ?????? lol! Xx

  4. Matt Grieve
    May 26, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    This is so funny…
    I loved nap time. I still miss it. Never feel guilty for napping! ! ?

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