Hunter-gatherer

The thing about having a family is you have to feed them. Like all the time! Its a bloody full time job feeding them!! That might sound like an exaggeration but let me give you an idea of the situation Im dealing with. Caitlin is 9 and has very specific dietary requirements. Not on medical grounds just on “being a pain in my ass” grounds! Basically Caitlin only wants to eat a chocolate based breakfast i.e. pain au chocolat or chocolate spread on bread. Andrew who is far more health conscious than myself is constantly battling with Caitlin to try healthier options. Depriving Caitlin of her preferred breakfast choice is basically child neglect as far as Caitlin is concerned so these suggestions go down like a fart in a spacesuit! To be honest I couldn’t care less that she has chocolate for breakfast so long as she is overall having a balanced diet throughout the day. Id rather she ate something before school than nothing! And anyway Pain au chocolats are french so Im basically giving her an educational lesson on world culture! Duh!  Andrew likes healthy cereal bars to take to work for breakfast so that is a second choice to cater for and the third . . Miss Elle who basically changes her mind daily about what she likes at the moment (thats allowed since she’s a baby) but needless to say chocolate or health bars are not on the menu for her! Oh and me?! I eat Caitlin’s pain au chocolats when she’s at school but shhh don’t tell!!!

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So as you can imagine food shopping for this bunch takes more planning time than my wedding is currently getting and is usually about as successful as arm bands on the Titanic!
Actually buying the shopping is a whole other story! I decided to escape the mad house and venture to Aldi alone once Andrew got in from work! I felt so smug at the fact Id remembered my own bags AND my purse (I have driven the 20 minute drive to Aldi and left it behind more than once!) I go into my special compartment in the car where i keep my pound for the trolley (yeah I’m that kind of organised mum) and “shit!!!!” I spent it on chocolate at the shop the other day! Damn my lack of self control!! I look in my purse and i have a pound in 20ps so my plan (which i think is actually pretty genius) is to wait for someone to return their trolley and ask if i can take their trolley in exchange for my 20ps! Actual genius for a baby brain mum who has put in a full day of mumness i feel!!!! so I lurk in my car watching the trolley bay like a hawk!!! Why do they even have to lock up the trolleys anyway! surely they can’t lose THAT much money on trolley theft?! Ok so I spot a lady returning her trolley and jump out the car and pounce on her! l
“Hi can I give you a pound in 20ps for your trolley please? because i don’t have a pound coin.”
The woman looks at me as if I’m trying some elaborate hustle. Bloody hell if i was going to rob you, it wouldn’t be for a scabby Aldi trolley you muppet! Obviously I don’t say that but I am losing my patience now! She looks at me like a deer in headlights and says “No” WTF?! What is her F-ing problem?! Ive got a bloody pound in 20ps!!!! We look at each other for a long time and all I want to say is “Why the F not you weirdo?!” and cant seem to find any less rude words to come out so i stay silent until the silence is just completely awkward for everyone including other more fortunate shoppers who clearly had pound coins and are now returning to their cars with their groceries. Why wont she just hand over her F-ing trolley!!!!! Eventually she breaks the silence with, “I have a trolley token I need to get back from the trolley”
Oh you would wouldn’t you Dorothy you trolley snob!!! (I don’t know if her name is Dorothy but Im calling her that for the purposes of this story)
By this point my weary brain cannot think up a better plan so I go with possibly the most ridiculous solution I could have come up with! I don’t know if you can even call it a solution to be honest! So i do HALF my weekly food shop in a tiny basket (which practically breaks my arm!) I needed nappies and wipes for Elle too so they are slung over my shoulder like a giant incontinence handbag. I get to the checkout and discover the checkout operator is a lovely friendly woman who’s put through my groceries before, which normally would be pleasant but today didn’t go in my favour! (you’ll see why in a minute!) so i put my shopping through the checkout while she asks me where the girls are this evening and we laugh about how its such a treat to get out the house without the kids (well it would have been if Dorothy hadn’t got all up in my grill!) Then i say goodbye and head to the car and unpack my shopping!
Ok here’s where i seem like a deranged woman, if i didn’t already! I go BACK into Aldi pick up another basket and do the other half of my weekly food shop!! At the time it was the only way I could think of without a trolley!!! Since then i have thought of several other solutions including asking the checkout to exchange my 20ps for a pound coin or buying one of the Aldi trolley tokens like bloody Dorothy! . . . ANYWAY that wasn’t the path I chose on this particular evening!! So once again I am laden down with an overflowing basket only this time I have a pack of 18 toilet rolls over my shoulder! I pass all the same people i met in the shop 10 mins ago who look at me like “didnt you leave?! why are you back?!” I get to the check out again and meet my new friend (Aldi checkout lady) who looks at me puzzled! “did you forget something?” she asks. Look at me, I have half a weekly shop here lady!!!! Does it look like a forgot “something”?!! So I put my second shop on the conveyer belt while checkout lady looks a bit nervous and doesn’t ask after my kids this time. She mumbles a confused bye, and I leave . . for the second time. She either thinks I have a memory problem that causes me to forget I’ve just been shopping and go again straight after or I’m stalking her! At this stage I really don’t care because I feel like super mum!!!!!! I feel so clever for overcoming the obstacles I faced to provide food for my family!!! I drive home feeling like I’ve concurred the world! 
It’s not till I recount the story to my Sister that I realise that I maybe come across less super woman and more deranged shop lurker. Anyway tomato tomato!!

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So I go to make myself a nice cuppa before sit down to write this blog and guess what, I didn’t buy teabags!!!!!! So I’m having to use the back up bag of decaf!! What use is decaf to anyone I ask you!! Oh well guess I’ll need to pop back to Aldi again . . .

Thanks for reading!
Amy xxx

12 thoughts on “Hunter-gatherer

  1. I love your blogs Amy! It’s so nice to know that even someone with childcare experience can have failure days with their children and life too. Please keep the blogs coming x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy these blogs are amazing! I love reading this and I have LOL’d the whole way through them all. Keep them coming, We don’t get enough time to see each other or chat but I love reading what you have been up to, soon when we catch up I won’t have to ask you anything as I will know 😉 Que me talking the whole time 😂. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your blog Amy! Gives me major lol’s! Can’t wait for next instalment! Bring on the madness! (Swear all of this makes me feel quite sane-or were both totally bonkers) hehe x

    Liked by 1 person

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