The Tooth Fairy didn’t come

Shit, shit, shit!!! I totally forgot to be the tooth fairy! Ok Im going to be honest with you now and you aren’t allowed to report me to social services!! The tooth fairy didn’t come three nights in a row! In my defence my kids won’t bloody sleep at night!!! By the time they are finally asleep for the night this tooth fairy has gone off shift! The first day I forgot I managed to pass it off saying “well try again tonight.” The second night I suggested she leave it somewhere more accessible for the tooth fairy. Perhaps she wasn’t able to safely access the tooth, Ive heard she’s a real stickler for health and safety that fairy! I really genuinely meant to do my duty on night two and rectify the previous nights failing but since becoming a mum I can totally relate to that saying “out of sight, out of mind” and if a job isn’t glaringly obvious I forget about it. Well of course a tiny little tooth under two pillows in a double bed isn’t exactly on a Kardashian level of attention grabbing!! So once again I forgot! I can hear your gasps of shock at my maternal failings! I woke up and realised my error too late as Caitlin had already checked under her pillow!! Dammit! Over breakfast I came up with the perfect story to cover my neglectful tracks!

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Me to caitlin: “So Caitlin I think I’ve worked out what might have happened with the whole tooth fairy situ’. I bet the tooth fairy DID come on the first night but the penny fell down the back of your bed when you were sleeping!! I’ll look for it today while you’re at school.”

Yes, what a save!!!!!! I even thought that up on the spot, I’m amazing!!!
Caitlin’s reply: “Nope if she’d left money she’d have taken my tooth and she didn’t! Its still there!”
God dammit Caitlin, why are you so bloody smart!!!!! So by night three I figured it was too late! That Dental Kleptomaniac’s ship had sailed! Caitlin broached the subject first the next morning, “I’m not bothered the tooth fairy didn’t come really but I wanted the money to spend at the weekend.”
Me: “how about i give you some money to spend at the weekend then?’ And with that the whole debacle was forgotten and with some subtle bribery we don’t mention it again and Caitlin carried on the pretence that the tooth fairy is a lazy bitch rather than her own Mother, problemo solved!!
Well anyway who even started this crazy tradition that someone sneaks into a child’s room and buys their teeth under cover of darkness?! What is this the black market of fairy tales?! Isn’t it bad enough that we have the responsibility of looking after these humans without having to worry about discarded body parts?! I ask you, who thought up this farce?!

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Teeth are a common theme in our house just now! Caitlin is losing hers, Elle has ones arriving and I am trying to improve mine!

Elle’s teeth arrive with mixed emotions from us, on one hand its exciting to see her little teeth appearing but on the other hand it means this tiny insomniac will be waking us more than usual (which is already too much for my liking!)

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Then there’s me who needs to sell a kidney to fund my dental appointments! Its purely cosmetic I should say, but I want to get my teeth looking nice before our wedding next year which ironically means I’ve spent more time with my dentist this month than I have with Andrew! Today my Sister kindly came to look after the girls so I could get to my dental appointment alone and as I was lying in the chair having my tooth drilled I was thinking how pleasant it is to just lie there with no one wanting anything from me or shouting on me. I think that kinda sums up parenthood for a large part, being happy to have someone drill your mouth for 30 minutes peace!

Thanks for reading

Amy xxx

4 thoughts on “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come

  1. I only became aware of your blog tonight when a friend shared it and can honestly say I cant remember the last time I laughed so much. Laughing with you, not at you – honest. I hope your ‘trying something new’ lasts, as your blogs are honest, funny and real! And I think I recognise you from when you worked in the chemist! Good luck and I hope to read many more of them! Jo x

  2. Loving your posts Amy. So, so glad that there are other folk like me out there !! Used to think how nursery staff would be the best Mummy’s ever making everything from scratch but you are just normal. Keep on writing 😉 your blog please Emma x

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