With the rise of “slummy mummy” bloggers, vloggers, Instagramers and Tweeters (is that what you call twitter people?!) it seems to me that being a “bad” Mum is the new cool?!
Now don’t get me wrong, Im not being judgemental in the slightest! In fact I AM one of these slummy mummies, and have been since before it became cool! I was just doing it out of sheer inability to get my shit together! However I feel now it has become almost a contest as to who starts drinking earlier in the day or who complains more about how crap motherhood is?! By the way you get extra “Cool Mum” points if you call your kids profanities!
When did this new trend start?! It seems to have snuck up on me! When Caitlin was a baby (9 years ago) it was all about the baking and taking your kids to sensory classes. Its taken me 9 years to master the Victoria sponge and now its so uncool I might as well turn up to school in socks and sandals! Is that even still uncool?! Im doubting everything I know now!
From what I can work out, to be in this new breed of cool mums you have to embrace your inner kevin the teenager. If you know who that is you are around as old as me or older so really we should have given up trying to be cool but since we’re all clutching at the same straws I’ll go on . .
If you want to appear super duper cool . . DON’T say super duper!!! That was a test!
Here are a few possible Facebook status’s, to copy and paste, which are sure to get you hundreds of likes and make everyone think you are a proper Cool Mum!
“forgot to wash the kids school uniforms so sent them to school in a halloween costume”
“Was so drunk at nursery drop off today, I picked up the wrong child”
“couldn’t be arsed making the kids dinner so i’ve sent them foraging in the woods”
“Haven’t washed my hair in 3 years, I think a family of mice live in my messy bun”
That kind of stuff is pure internet gold! You’re welcome!!
So I’ve finally found a trend that I could actually be good at!! I never remember the school fundraisers, Caitlin’s P.E kit is never clean on the right days and my kids eat enough chicken nuggets to give Jamie Oliver a seizure but alas I am lacking in the main Cool Mum criteria . . . GIN! All the Cool Mums drink Gin!! and lots of it! The more, and the earlier in the day, the better!!
I do not like Gin! I can not be in the club! 🙁
Dammit!! I was so close!! I was nearly a cool Mum!!!!
Oh well I will go wallow in my un coolness as I sip on my tetley brew and try in vain to master the topknot which thus far leaves me looking like a 7 year old school girl!
Until next time!!
Thanks for reading!