10 Things only my Besties know. . .

 

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“Besties “, or (best friends) if you’re over 12 years old, come in all shapes and sizes.  Your bestie might be your Mum, your next-door neighbour, your granny or your work colleague.           You may even be lucky enough to have more than one friend who you would consider to be a “bestie.”

There are some things you can ONLY share with your besties! Because they get you!

Here’s my 10 things  . . . .

1)   My menstrual cycle.  Lets dive straight in with one to gross out the Men!  But its true, my besties will know if its my “time of the month” or if I have raging PMT.  Well lets face it everyone knows when I’ve got raging PMT but you get the gist!  If my besties ask how I am, I don’t think twice about telling them “Shit!, I feel shit, I’ve got my period and I feel like I’ve been punched in the Uterus!” And they will sympathise and possibly share their state of menstrual wellbeing.  If the lady in the post office or a Mum in the playground asks how I am, I probably won’t divulge this information.  Because its gross and I live in a small village where I’d rather not be known as, the gross lady who talks to strangers about her periods.

2)  If  Andrew is being a dick.  Two reasons I can’t tell, any old friends how much of a dick Andrew is being, primarily because he’s probably not really being a dick and a regular friend might think I have anger issues.  Whereas my besties will understand that it is just not acceptable to come home without chocolate when I SPECIFICALLY stated that there was no chocolate at home!!! WTF?!  We’re not animals Andrew, we need basic staples!!!! And the other danger is that a normal person might take on board my slur on Andrew’s character and think “Gosh he seems really nice but according to Amy he’s a total dick!” Whereas my besties know he’s a really good guy and I’m just mental and they love me anyway so It’s all good.

3) If the kids are being dicks.  Same as above, I don’t want normal people to think my kids are the spawn of satan but my besties love them as much as I love their kids and can empathise with the fact they drive me nuts while knowing they’re great kids really!  Even if they are grade A dicks to me sometimes!!

4)  My mental state.  If my neighbour asked after me and I replied that I’m actually considering joining the witness protection programme to hide from my own family, they would think I’m a lunatic.  Whereas besties don’t judge! They just get you!

5)  If I’ve done something REALLY bad.  It’s amusing to tell others funny stories of silly things we’ve done but when we do something REALLY bad it’s best to keep that info to ourselves/tell our besties.  Like if you “accidentally” throw away your partner’s favourite clothing that you happen to hate or drop the baby or buy an expensive item online that you shouldn’t have!  Hypothetically!!!!! None of those things ACTUALLY happened obviously!! And you can’t prove they did okay!!!

6)  “Discussing” others.  Ok I am not one to gossip or bitch about other people.  Its not a nice way to be and it says more about you than them. HOWEVER there is the odd occasion (Come on we ALL do it, lets not pretend here!)  when you’re left thinking, “really?! did they just do/say that?!” and you need to talk to someone about it and the only people you can trust to speak to about it and not tell another living soul, are your besties!!  Plus if someone has been mean to you, they have your back and they then hate that person on your behalf! Even if you don’t actually hate that person, your besties will!! Because they’ve got your back man!!

7)  Bowel Movements.  If Me, my kids or my partner has the shits then my besties know about it! We share! No one else wants to know, neither do your besties actually but you tell them anyway.  This is not information you share with the average acquaintance!  If I were to shit myself in public the first people I’d message are my besties.  And they would die of laughter then come find me with clean pants!  Luckily this has never actually happened to me! I might start carrying spare pants now I think about it, just incase!! Actually forget that I have a baby change bag full of nappies on me at all times (for my baby!! I don’t actually shit myself), Im all good!

8)  Mums I admire/Dads that are hot.  So if I were to sidle up to (for example) Barbara in the playground and say “woah check out sam’s mum! She’s been working out! and her hair is looking great.”  Barbara would think I was a weird Mum perv.  But my besties would be all like, “Yeah I know, she’s looking fit eh!”  coz they’re also pervs and appreciate my admiration of other mums.  They can also discuss Dads who we think are hot, in the same way you admire a painting in a gallery, nice to look at but you’re happy they belong to someone else because you have your own painting at home which you love!  Even if the painting leaves dirty running clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the washing machine! I digress!

9)  Embarrassing problems.  No more needs said!  I know my besties’ problems and they know mine. Enough said!

10)  How much I love and appreciate them.  Yeah they’re my friends whatevs, no biggie.  But actually they would do anything for me and I’d do anything for them and I love them to bits!

You all know who you are!!

 

Thanks for reading

 

Amy xxx

 

 

 

 

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